Adulthood of my Dreams

Hello.

When you are young, most people assume that when you become an adult you have the automatic right to go out and party every Saturday night. I actually envisioned my adult self to be quite social, doing the Thurs thru Mon circuit when necessary. Of course, Mondays were lounge days, and every other night being cocktails and dancing at the club du jour. I had imagined that at this point in my life I would own at least one pair of designer shoes (Manolos, Choos, even Loubuotins - I wasn't picky) and I would also be quite fashionable.

Real life? Not quite so.

Tonight, Saturday night, is not really what I'd say is the ideal Saturday night. It is so far from ideal, it makes me sick, as do the chocolate covered pretzels I've been devouring all day are doing to my stomach.

I'm doing LAUNDRY. The most detestable thing to do on a Saturday night. I'm CLEANING. Again, not quite what I had imagined (I also had a housekeeper to do menial tasks, in my dreams). And, I'm WORKING. Stuffing envelopes, sending emails, you know, regular work stuff. My job had also seemed glamourous, again, not quite so.

Not making money means no cool clothes or cool car for cool clients which again don't exist. I have clients who are poor. Ugh, not that this is a bad thing, a client is a client of course. But then again, they never BUY anything!!! Does this mean they're "clients" or "customers who waste my time"? I cling on to them in the hopes that they will finally close a deal and make me SOME money so my boyfriend can stop complaining and I can start purchasing things on my OWN money.

Well, finances and dire style aside, my boyfriend is out tonight. With his friends. Staying over in the city. Ugh. It drives me crazy. It's not that I don't trust him, that's not the issue. I think I'm jealous that it's not me out there. That even if we both gained weight, he still looks good in his clothes and I'm too chubby to look hot at a club anyway. He has tons of friends here who he can go out with, trying to get together with my girlfriends is like a freaking catastrophe waiting to happen, except you keep waiting and it never does! One cancels, another cancels. It gets to the point that I don't even want to invest my time in trying to make plans because I know they won't happen.

Ugh. Home. Alone.

Have a happy St. Patricks Day!